PhD in him

PhD in Him – Vanessa Hidary

if i counted up all the hours
i’d studied
focused on
cried over
cried over
gotten up and been resilient about
not given up on
believed in
so believed in
ignored my friends advice about
talked about
talked about
did i mention talked about?
I’d have a PhD in him.

By now, I could have had a PhD
in Philosophy,
Internal Medicine,
Middle Eastern Studies,
Stem Cell Research.

But no, I have a PhD in Him.

Funny how he brings me no income,
no pension,
no future,
no future,
did I mention no future?

And so don’t ask me what I did this year
I didn’t write any plays or any books
I didn’t do some responsible shit like
pursue a backup career.

I was fully employed in the fury of him
graduated valedictorian at the tippy top of my class
magna cum fucking laude
and a waste of fucking time

hours upon hours
spent figuring out his equations
word problems
crossword puzzles
cracking his codes
philosophising his constitution
over wine
oh, did I mention vodka?

So quiz me
I know him better than he knows himself.
I’m that matriculated doctorate ho
paid full tuition at his All-About-Him University
Ladies have you visited?

See, now I’m licensed to teach and preach
sparing my pride
in hopes that other women will read my dissertation

See, I have a PhD in Him
and my transcript is rolling off my wicked tongue.

Not sure of how my most difficult degree might serve me
but think one day I’ll thank him
for reminding me how fierce a pupil of life
I really am.

I love this poem:)


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